How I Fell in Love With My Divorce...
Something big happened to me today.
After three years - and a helluva’ lot of personal growth and patience on my part – I finally drafted and signed divorce papers, and then served them on my ex-husband. BOOM.
In case you hadn’t already guessed, getting paperwork organised isn’t my ex’s strong point.
Although we have been legally separated since he left in 2011 and we already consider ourselves divorced for all intents and purposes, I have decided that the time has come to cut that final thin tie that binds us and just get it done.
And I gotta tell ya, it felt so damn good. Like, I actually fell a bit in love with those twenty-something pieces of paper.
Sure, a little tear may have formed in my eye as I checked ‘no’ in the box that asked if there was any chance of us ever living as husband and wife again; I mean, c’mon – that shit hurts the ego, to admit such a massive failure - but that’s what makes me human. I challenge anyone to fill out divorce papers and not have some kind of emotional reaction.
But looking at that pile of papers - so carefully executed, lovingly printed, and tenderly signed by me – gave me such a surge of love and appreciation, that I almost sealed my signature with a kiss. Truly, I have never been so happy to handle such a tedious and stark document.
So, why all this sudden love over what should be a heartbreaking moment? And why did I wait so long to file for divorce? Well, for those of you who have never gone through the process, let me tell you: it’s a MASSIVE pain in the ass. There are waiting times, difficult questions to answer, and a ridiculous sum of money to be paid.
Seriously, getting married is waaay cheaper than getting divorced. I don’t recommend it.
But aside from all that, I have to admit that getting divorced was just one of those things that I’d just pushed to the bottom of the to-do pile; something that I would tackle once I was in the right space to do so. Finishing a degree, travelling the world, discovering myself – me for, those were bigger priorities than signing yet another stack of papers reiterating my failure as a spouse.
Besides, I was happily single for those three years, and changing my marital status wasn’t going to affect anyone but me.
Then about 3 months ago, all that suddenly changed when an amazing human scuba dived his way into my life…and into my heart.
Now, I have a flourishing relationship with a wonderful partner who supports and inspires me every day and has made me believe that falling in love again is not only a possibility but also a certainty.
I’m incredibly blessed that Dan is one of the most understanding, compassionate and accepting dudes on the planet; the whole yeah-I-used-to-be-married-and-kinda-still-am-in-a-stupid-legal-way part of my story doesn’t bother him at all.
Although he has politely requested that he never has to meet the infamous ex (a fair call on his behalf), he has vehemently assured me that he will be there through the whole process, no matter what may come. That attitude, that unconditional support, is just one of the reasons why I have decided to instigate and take control of my divorce.
I have discovered that when a man like Dan enters your life, you realise that breaking away from everything in the past and starting anew is one of the greatest gifts you can give your beautiful, budding, blossoming new romance.
Because as grateful as I am for all the experiences in my life, I recognise that our relationship is the start of something significant, and I honour and respect it enough to give it my all - without any ties to past lovers.
Because he’s worth it. And so am I.
And that’s why, when I served my ex with our divorce application, I damn near high-fived him and thanked him for the privilege, because now I’m letting go of something ‘meh’ for something magnificent.
So here’s to the past, and all the wonderful lessons learnt. Here’s to the present, taking control of today, and making shit happen. And here’s to the future, which I gotta feeling is going to be in-freaking-credible...