An Open Letter to my Partner on How to Live With Me
I’m the first to admit, I’m probably not the easiest person to live with. After three years of being single, living wherever I want and fine-tuning the art of making a home whilst living out of a backpack, I have definitely developed some, err, interesting idiosyncrasies.
Everyone visually merchandises their pantry after doing the groceries, right…?
On the flip side of all this, I am also a pretty fun person to explore cohabitation with…if you can learn to live with my quirky, unique, unashamed Shanny-ness.
1. I have OCD tendencies. Deal with it.
Everything has its place, and every place has its thing.
Yes, my Guatemalan blanket needs to be laid out exactly like that on the bed. Yes, my DVD collection has to be shelved in alphabetical order. Yes, the cushions have to be aligned with the stripes on the Mexican blanket in the middle of the couch. Yes, I am serious.
Just as toddlers and hipsters can’t help being obnoxious in public, I can’t help my pedantic peculiarities. Sorry.
2. Eat my food.
I love to cook. You love to eat. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a match made in heaven…
Just don’t complain when I make vegetarian dishes. Learn to love tofu, or learn to love two-minute noodles. If you can do this, then I’ll happily cook you whatever your heart desires.
3. Kiss me every morning like it's the first kiss we ever shared, and kiss me every night like it’s our last.
Just because we share a lease together, doesn’t mean the romance has to fall by the wayside. Believe me, this is the simplest way to keep that spark alive, even though we see each other every day.
Pucker up, dude.
4. Don’t mess up my sh*t.
On a scale of one to ten on the clean-o-meter, I’d say I’m about a ninety-two. True story.
I'll happily spend five hours on my day off feverishly cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, and generally re-beautifying my home.
This doesn’t mean that I’m your maid.
Please understand, I *need* to keep my house ordered. I absolutely N E E D my space to be perfectly balanced and aligned for my mental and emotional well-being.
If you can cheerfully respect and accept this, appreciate my efforts - of which you reap the benefits - and even offer to dust my collection of travel guides once in a while, then we’ll get along just fine.
5. Making the bed every morning is not optional.
See Points 1 and 4 if you are unclear about the motivation behind this.
6. Impromptu dance parties in my underwear are not uncommon
You have been warned.
7. Thy coffee machine is thy God.
It has the ability to raise me from the dead…or, ya' know, just regular sleep. Treat it with respect and reverence.
It has healing powers, I promise you.
8. Photographs happen
I’m a sneaky little wannabe Annie Leibovitz. When you least expect it, when you have no clue what I’m up to, chances are I’m snapping a candid shot of you in the moment…or taking a selfie in the kitchen.
Photographs are the art we create to complement our memories. You are a part of my life; therefore, you are a part of my memories. Trust me, one day you’ll thank me for being such an adorable little shutterbug.
9. Go your own way.
Maintain your independence, because I sure as hell am gonna’ hold on to mine. Fiercely. Voraciously.
The best kind of relationships – you know, the healthy and vibrant kind – can only flourish if the peeps within that partnership are healthy and vibrant individuals themselves. So here’s to us always glowin’ like two crazy stars.
10. Love me
Even though I’m (slightly) neurotic at times.
Even though I have serious OCD issues, with the occasional PMS outburst.
Even though I moult more hair than your average Cocker Spaniel...and you will probably find it in the most inconvenient of places.
Even though I tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, usually while you're watching your favourite movie.
Just love me. Every. Little. Part. Because at the end of the day, I sure do love the shit outta' you.
And I'm trying my hardest not to drive you mental, too.